i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
