you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
