They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
