and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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