I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
