i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
