Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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