OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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