Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
