considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
