im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
