I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
