He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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