I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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