He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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