is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
