Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
