this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
