if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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