You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
