I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
bring money and cleavage
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
