I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
