Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
