I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
