True but thats because hes a fetus.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dignity is for republicans.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
