I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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