pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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