I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
