I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
