yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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