first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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