dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
