someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
