So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
