So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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