i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
