I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
