The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
