i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
