every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
