you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
