Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
