The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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