onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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