I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
