I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Never underestimate the power of titties
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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