My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
