i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
