i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
