my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
