Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
